Another rotation around the sun, and I’m feeling older than ever. But at the ripe age of 35, I can finally pause, self-reflect, and look back on the lessons that have shaped who I am today — as a teacher, a husband, and now, a new dad. Here are 35 of the most important lessons I’ve learned so far.
1. Family is everything. Sustaining relationships with the people who have been there since the beginning is worth every effort.
2. Mommies are the most important sub-species on Earth. Their strength, patience, and endurance are unmatched.
3. We live in an extroverted world. Introverts have to work twice as hard to “get ahead.” Which is why, in 2nd grade, when I didn’t “participate in class,” it was seen as a weakness — not a personality trait.
4. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. In my case, that meant surviving a few 4th-grade Mexican bullies.
5. Friendship matters. I’ll never forget my 5th-grade teacher pulling me aside and saying, “It’s been a month. Isn’t it time you made some friends?” — after catching me talking to myself on the playground. Embarrassing, but necessary.
6. Rejection is part of the human experience. It hurts every time, but it teaches humility.
7. Middle school is the most awkward phase of human existence. There are no exceptions.
8. Confidence — or at least faking it — separates winners from worriers. Half of life’s success is acting like you belong until you do.
9. If I could relive my youth, I’d take more risks. Less overthinking, more doing.
10. Changing the world starts with changing your community. Service and small acts of kindness matter more than speeches.
11. Breakups are traumatizing for everyone involved. Time heals, but wisdom only comes afterward.
12. Teenagers are moody — and so was I. Case in point: my dramatic MySpace posts and repeated “deletes” followed by recreating the same page two weeks later.
13. College is for experimentation — and figuring out who you actually are.
14. Friendships formed out of convenience rarely last. Dormmates fade; shared values don’t.
15. The friendships built on shared experiences — like board games — are the ones that last.
16. The greatest lessons come from the most unexpected people. Like my old boss at EH&S who offered breakup advice that stuck for life.
17. Life is not just about the destination — it’s about the winding, messy, unplanned journey. I only found teaching after a summer camp job at UCSD.
18. Privilege shapes opportunities. Not having a car in college meant no fancy internships — and that detour led me to the classroom instead of a broadcast studio.
19. Political activism is thrilling but heartbreaking. Especially when you invest in the “losing side.”
20. Keep close to people who share your moral compass. It saves you years of confusion later.
21. If you can’t manage a classroom, you can’t teach. Simple as that.
22. Relationship building helps — but it won’t solve every conflict. Structure and consistency still matter.
23. Never make someone a priority if they only see you as an option.
24. “We accept the love we think we deserve.” — Perks of Being a Wallflower still hits hard.
25. Gaslighters are just serial liars with low emotional intelligence.
26. Charter schools can be great for students but rough on the people who work there.
27. Don’t lose friends over politics. It’s not worth it.
28. “The One” exists. Thank you, Katherine Pham.
29. “The One” usually shows up when you least expect it. Thank you, Anime Expo.
30. Love should be easy — and mostly free of conflict.
31. Middle schoolers will drain your energy. Which is why I’m now teaching at Kennedy.
32. You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Choose wisely.
33. Having a kid changes your perspective on everything. I just want to make the world better for Kai.
34. You’ll never truly appreciate your parents until you become one. Then suddenly, everything makes sense.
35. Mothers are, and will always be, the most extraordinary people in the world. Raising a child is the hardest job there is — and I’m only five months in.
I’m forever grateful for all the people that have gotten me to where I am today. And even if we’ve lost contact (due to time constraints), and now of course most of my energy re-focused in Kai, I hope we’ll be able to reconnect soon.
