Happy new year! In 2024, all blog posts will reference the number 24 in some way in homage to my favorite number (and television show) of all time.
We started off the year with a celebratory trip to the San Diego Wild Safari Park, where we encountered all types of animals big and small. Here are 24 of them:
1. Some male Mergansers. They clearly could not contain their excitement in seeing us, laying poop right on the floor besides themselves. Disrespectful animals – how dare they display such filth in front of my wife!
2. Helmeted Guineafowl. These birds clearly have a huge appetite. They could lose a little bit of weight (not to body shame). I feel their pain, as I am on my own weight loss journey starting today, having gained 25 pounds since my wedding.
3. African Spoonbill. But really, what I’d like to call them is a heron. Here’s a picture of The Girl and the Heron, much better than the final Miyazaki movie.
4. Flamingos: These animals are quite pretty in pink, and I wish I had legs as thin as theirs instead of my thick calves.
5. Gazelle: On our Safari tram ride, we saw a bunch of animals. These gazelles seem to have figured out life lounging around and relaxing all day. Much better than the 9-5 human beings have created for themselves.
6. Camels: The older I get, the bigger my hump back gets. I hope to never have as big as a hump as a camel so I’ll need to sit up straight.
7 and 8. Where the deer and the antelope play… This antelope was sucking water straight of a well. It reminds me of the days when I sucked boba straight of out of a drink. This year I will have to refrain from doing so as (only once per week) as part of my New Year’s Resolution.
9. Giraffe: The jocks of the animal kingdom. I bet they love dating cheerleaders and getting them pregnant.
10. Warthog: These funny looking creatures have a big appetite and are clearly related to pigs in some way or another.
11. White Stork: Look at it showing off its beautiful pale skin.
12. Secretary birds: I hope they weren’t caught doing anything scandalous with the boss in the office.
13. Okapi, probably one of the cutest animals on the face of the planet. It was peeing right in front of us.
14. Duiker: This animal was clearly constipated in front of us and tried to poop. I feel it’s struggles everytime I eat spicy food.
15. The Lion: Clearly napping away, wondering where her husband Mufasa went. (Spoiler: he died).
16. Gorilla: This lady gorilla is a sight to be seen. We saw her entire family, from the lazy dad, the hungry sister, to the wildling son. Reminded me a lot of my own family to be honest.
17. Tiger: This tiger dared me to a staring contest. He lost. He was lucky there was glass in between us, because I would have destroyed him in a cage fight if there wasn’t.
18. Rhinoceros: The live action version of the Pokemon Rhyhorn, but not nearly as cool. I’m sure he didn’t appreciate the heavy weight I placed on him today.
19. A beautiful Panda at the zoo, the most appetizing of creatures in the whole Wild Animal park.
20 and 21. Predator and Prey of the animal kingdom. He was able to seduce her using his charm and wit. She was able to seduce him using her fluttery eyes.
22. Filipino: A wild Filipino came out of the blue to join them for lunch. Together, they made a group of hungry hungry hippos.
23. Pigs: Nothing tastes quite as delicious as the pulled pork and delicious meat present at Phil’s BBQ. Quite a delight for all humans to enjoy.
24. Chicken: A delicious topping on top of a beautiful salad, mouth-watering and enriching, despite being much more costly than the just as useful Costco Rotisserie version of itself.
In summary, all animals were a delight to witness (and to consume). Here’s hoping 2024 will be full of continous moments of wonder and joy as the Zoo brought us today. Happy new year, everybody!
