Another day, another rankings list. This time we’re delving into the category of Disney Princesses.
On the S tier – we have Princess Jasmine, who is able to defeat the evil Jafar and fall in love with Aladdin despite his lack of wealth. She is clearly not a gold digger which makes her superior. Mulan doesn’t need a man, and in fact becomes a man halfway throughout the movie. Nala allows Simba to get out of the friendzone and is one of the main reasons he is able to transform and return as the king of his kingdom.
On the A tier – we have Jane from Tarzan. The fact that she’s able to communicate with essentially a human monkey makes her a master communicator. Let’s just say I wouldn’t mind if she nursed me back to good health. Rapunzel is able to escape the evil cluthes of her mother, something many people in society are unable to do. Plus, I heavily prefer girls with long hair over short hair. The fact that she has the longest hair out of all the Disney Princesses is a plus. Penelope has spunk. Moana saves her kingdom after defeating an evil volcano.
The princesses on the B tier are passable. Cinderella is able to escape her evil stepsisters, but only when she meets a prince. Elsa doesn’t need a man, but her powers are out of control so I wouldn’t want to deal with her in the bedroom.
On the C tier are questionable princesses. Does Ariel even count? She’s not even full human. Plus I’m allergic to seafood so that’d be pretty weird. Belle is less shallow than her other princesses, but I think she has stockholm syndrome staying with a kidnapper so I can’t give her a higher ranking. Pocahontas gives in to white privilege and gets with a “white savior” in the form of John Smith.
The D tier includes two princesses that are dumb. If I was a princess I would definitely not accept an apple from an evil witch. Come on Snow White, are you serious! Similarity, Princess Anna falls in love with a boy after singing one song with him, and then falls in love with another boy by the end of the movie. Questionable.
Finally, the F tier comprises princesses that either bore me or disappoint me. Alice in Wonderland is clearly on drugs. Esmeralda never gave the poor hunchback of notre dame a chance. Merida has a strange voice and a boring movie. Tiana lies throughout the course of the Princess and the Frog. And finally sleeping beauty is a loser sleeping until her prince charming comes to kiss her awake. Yawn.
Needless to say I had fun ranking these Disney Princesses. At least they’re all fleshed out characters though, for all the Disney Princes would most likely fall on the F tier as well.
