Everybody Breaks a Glass

After a breakup, my normal human response is to blame myself. I will take it upon myself as a reflection of all the things I did wrong during the course of the relationship, and how I “messed things up”. In addition to that I tend to be overly emotional either crying myself to sleep or being very hateful of the life in which I live.

This time is slightly different. After careful contemplation and analysis of the long-distance relationship I was in, it was apparent to me that I was unhappy. Many people would rather be in an unhappy relationship than get out and face the fears of being alone. I would probably be one of those people about a year of two ago. At this stage in my life though I have too much self worth to allow myself to continue in a relationship where I just don’t feel loved. There were some apparent problems that became more clear to me when I no longer denied them. Even though things were better in the initial months of the relationship, it always bothered me to keep things a secret. As a very public person, even on this blog, I had to slightly alter my perception of an ideal relationship to keep things going. At the end of the day if you like somebody enough you WILL want to share them with your friends, your family, and not deny their existence to the rest of the world. Another rule that I follow in most relationships is “Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option”. At the end of the day I was placing this person on a pedestal, while I was clearly never at the top of her list of priorities. Maybe that would be okay with most people, but I put 150% into everything I do, whether it be my career, my friendships, or my relationships. If someone is unwilling to do the same, they’re just not worth it.

This time will be different. As a hopeless romantic I see myself in two paths: the career path and the love path. I spent so many years of my life not wanting to be single because I was afraid of being alone. At this stage in my life though I am going to move towards solely focusing on my improving my career and enjoying the benefits of freedom. The next time I choose to be with somebody I will make sure she is as committed to the relationship as I am.