It takes a certain amount of maturity to accept everything that happens in your life as a learning experience, whether positive or negative. It’s imperative I learn something from everything that has happened to me in the course of my life.
I may not be able to always keep a good composure in the face of adversity and hardness, but I do need to reflect back on past experiences with a certain sense of high regard. Though I might be nostalgic for some elements of the past, though I’d wish I had done things differently if I could do it again, I have to use my prior experiences as merely precursors to shape how I pursue my future.
My ongoing search for “the one” has blinded me to a certain extent to the point of hopelessness and despair. I always thought as a kid growing up I’d have the life I always wanted, synonymous with what you would in most television shows surrounding adolescence and love. And though I’m still young with many years ahead of me, I can’t help but wonder if I have already failed in a sense.
I can’t say my past relationships were totally horrible – they were ideal learning scenarios, equipped with both the good memories and the bad. I hate the tragic things that have happened to me, but rather than allowing them to weigh me down like an anchor, I must use them as enriching life lessons to propel myself forward to a more tangible future.
I’m very self-reliant in many ways. I work, I go to school, and I know how to treat the people I love and hold most dear. The only thing I’m potentially afraid of in the end, is dying alone. I know that seems odd for somebody that is 22 to think, but not having intimate nurturing relationships growing up with family, I have created a mirage of goals for myself that are mostly unobtainable. I can’t fill the void of what I need with a search for a person that most likely doesn’t even exist.
Instead, I will focus on myself, I will focus on my passions, and I will focus on doing everything to ensure I live a happy and successful life. And though my goal initially was to date somebody for 5 years and get married by age 27, I’m officially crossing that off my bucket list. In the end, if it’s meant to happen it’ll happen. I will make sure to avoid any false flags that might impede my acquisition of happiness. The next relationship I get into I need to make sure the person is 100% committed and actually likes me for who I am as an individual. I can’t say I’m going to exactly give up my pursuit, but I can say I’ll be much more cautious in protecting my heart. Because in the end, everybody technically dies alone anyway.
