Over the course of my 21 years on this planet, there’s been a consistent element in my life – Friends. Friends have guided me through life and transitioned me from one stage to the next. While I remain directly in contact with most of the people who helped me through my struggles, I have sadly drifted away from many others. Here are the definitive values I find necessary in all my friendships.
1. Trust. If you cannot trust your friend, then there is a degree of separation clouding your overall experience with them. Throughout my life I have slowly gotten more cynical in the things I tell people. Eventually though, the closer I am to somebody, the more likely I am to tell them something – unless I know of course they’re not likely to keep my experiences as expressed to them in secret.
2. Reciprocity. A huge pet peeve of mine comes out of the reality that some friends are just so unwilling to reciprocate in terms of effort and dedication. If you’re constantly the one initiating things or asking your friends to hang out, and the person on the other end does not, it’s simply not worth the effort. It’s along the same lines of putting 100% of your energy into maintaining a friendship, while the person on the other side only puts 20%.
3. Longevity. There’s virtually no point (in my opinion) in making friendships with people who don’t intend on maintaining the relationship. The longer a friendship lasts, the more valuable it becomes in the long run. Subsequently, instead of having 100 friends, having 10 close friends probably signifies a greater emotional value than the shallowness of the latter.
Other than that, I don’t see much else as necessarily that important. Sure, common values and interests are also nice, but as long as the ability to fulfill my three conditions are met – friendships will indefinitely be maintained for life.
And commenting on blog posts +50 friend points!
On another note, wouldn’t you think number 3 is subjective? It seems like (older) people tend to move on with their lives at some point and their lives become totally work-centric. Sure, they still hang out with friends from time to time, but it’s nothing like HIMYM. So, as long as people WANT to keep you in their lives, no harm in letting them, right? Sometimes it’s hard to keep a continuous, long friendship.
Another point I think would be valid is the ability to click. If you guys have nothing in common and cannot connect on any topics, then it’d be harder to make friends with. I do agree that a small group of close friends is better than a big group of friends on most occasions.
I completely understand number 2. It is sad how lazy people are getting in friendships and relationships in general despite having a vast amount of resources at one’s disposal to connect.
I would replace longevity with loyalty. Thats my only criticism.