January 2012 Updates

The surefire signs that 2012 is here has finally hit me, with the passing of Lunar New Year and the end of the first month of January. Though the month was in no way anything I had ever wished to personally struggle through, I had to endure what would be the darkest hours of my life. Provided below is a calendar indicating every single activity I engaged in this month. Fortunately for everyone reading, the calendar (for the most part) leaves the nights I struggled to sleep, the days I couldn’t think straight, and the countless memories I have of refusing to do anything out of the equation. It’s definitely been an uphill journey living from day to day, re-adjusting to the life that is, after the life that was.

After a year of doing virtually every activity you could think of together, the ability to go cold turkey amounted to tons of reminders, and subsequently tons of adversity. I would have to pursue various mechanisms for the coping process to inevitably allow my heart to start to heal.

1. Friends.
Now that my free time nearly doubled I had to deal with the ramifications. Subsequently it provided me to the ability to talk to people I hadn’t hung out in forever, talk to people whom I had neglected in other lives, and talk to people to allow myself a simple distraction from the lingering memory in my head. As a result, instead of focusing all my time on ONE person, I distributed my time to about roughly 50.  Provided below is the top 10 people I hung out with in the month of January.

2. Work.
Say what!? After days of wandering around campus doing virtually nothing, going back to EHS and actually working full shifts provided me the ability to offer myself a part-time distraction (while getting paid). Conveniently timed deliveries my boss needed me to make gave me the abilities to exercise (walking around all the labs all over campus), hanging up new emergency safety guides, and distracting myself from the emptiness in my heart…

3.  Alcohol.
Some people would claim this is a terrible idea. I would disagree. Alcohol allows you to fully get your emotions out there, no matter how hard you try to suppress them. I spent nights crying alone, but with the power of alcohol I was given the ability to fully communicate to my friends my true emotions in life. Plus, the FUN that comes along with drinking provided me a mechanism by which to bond closer to people I might not have otherwise been close to. I recall one of the best conversations I had with Manuel the night I got drunk, where he provided me the emotional guidance I needed to carry on with my life. I also remember the chaotic night where I ripped down all my posters in my room and subsequently knocked down my entire bookshelf out of anger and depression.

4. Music.
Music is truly the heart of the soul, because it provides in words what you can’t openly express. Playing Gavin Degraw’s “Not Over You” and Rachel Berry’s Rendition of “Without You” gave me some emotional comfort in the world yet also allowed me to project myself outwardly in other ways. My “EMO” playlist to heal with the repercussions of January 15th are provided below…

5. Ron Paul R[EVOL]UTION
Encompassing the rest of my time is engaging in activities to elect the future President, Ron Paul. Despite his poor performances in South Carolina and Florida, the future is optimistically bright, for caucus states tend to favor enthusiastic supporters. Convention, here we come.

Regardless of the mechanisms which I employ to cope with my continued sadness, the future remains optimistic. The healing process has only just began, as February comes marching along.