Much along the same lines as last year’s hardcore reflection, I believe it’s time to look deep into my heart and soul to see what fundamentally made this year truly a life-changer. After I bounced back in sophomore year from the tragic events of the summer of 2009, the summer of 2010 looked both bright and cheerful as I 1) went home for the summer2) had a blast at NACURH 2010 3) and slowly but surely enjoyed Summer Session I & II. After finding out sad relationship news on FormSpring, I would fundamentally avoid Facebook for the entire month of July to avoid seeing things that would visibly make me upset. (EMOTARD Kicked in for a bit, but slowly disappeared). After going back to the realm of Facebook in August though, my summer seemed to have transformed into a fundamentally good one. It was nice living in the living room of Howard, Torres, and Leandro, and nice to have spent the entire summer watching10 whole seasons of Degrassi.
Fall Quarter hit, and I was more than optimistic for the new year. Even though I was still single, I managed to maintain a relatively healthy life independently of relationships. But it’s truly worth noting, and I still wonder if this is the case or not, if having all those friends are equivalent to having one person that you can count on most for everything you need, I’d much rather have the one person. When it comes down to this, I do think that having a relationship beats out having a ton of various friendships that in the end might dissipate slowly with time. Also, with the reality that having more friends equates simply to knowing each and every friend on a less personal, and more shallow level. Anyway, with my VP position in ICRA, came training, followed by various events that would subsequently happen in the quarter, that including the Leadership conference, a relatively sane Harry Potter event/semi-date, PACURH2010, and an exciting trip to Knott’s Berry Farm. Nothing much had changed from summer to this point, other than the high level of commitment to ICRA and programming organizations.
Flash-forward to Winter of 2011, and this commitment to these organizations slowly wane. With the migration back to San Diego after the holiday break came a new blog, new relationships with existent friends, and new adventures. One of the starting means by which my commitment to programming waned was the enforcement of new rules and procedures set in place by ICRA, including the unnecessary retreat, and the unnecessary need to break up a non-existent clique. With these policies set in place came an ultimate derailing of desire to want to participate in programming, and subsequently the emergence of a said counter-culture clique. With Bee-John, Amul, Rashika, & Geetha, the ICRA “clique” came to define one of my main group of friends during the school year (in contrast to PAW & 3505 as my default friends from last year). What ultimately happened to fundamentally change the course of my life was the best weekend of my life: the weekend of the (28–29–30). With the realization that both me and Geetha were interested in one another, came a surprising “secret relationship” that we didn’t tell anyone of until roughly a month later. Thus became a committed four months of the better relationship out of the two I’ve had over the course of my life (Sorry Sophie Nguyen, you FAIL!). Drama in ICRA came from all sides – the advisor not allowing me to miss a meeting, the president being an asshole, and the clique itself attacking back… all culminating in the reelection of Jorge Ayon, where in one night, everything came out. Jorge’s attitude, my response… the clique attacking Jorge, deep personal insecurities. The advisor would attempt to talk to me later about the things that would happen that night, but I didn’t really know what to say. I knew Jorge was being an asshole, but now I know something else: it was really wrong of me to deal with him in a passive aggressive manner. Instead of confronting him about something, I just let it anger me more and more inside, until I attacked him at the ICRA election that night. That truly was “my bad”, but at the time with everyone defending me, I had no reason to feel any sort of guilt whatsoever. That drama would ultimately carry on over to Spring Quarter.
The ICRA drama continued this quarter, but it seemed to have cooled off. Me and Jorge talked on our 1on1 about the events that transpired, but he claims he never disliked me personally at a person. So, this means 1 of 2 things: that he’s just a big fat liar, or I was just too insecure to realize the way he talks is not a personal attack against me, but a personal reflection of how big an asshole he is. Whatever the case, I have learned my lesson. If anyone dares to treat me that way again, I will attack them. The only reason why I really couldn’t in this case was because he was in a position of power higher than me, and I didn’t want ICRA drama to dissipate (which it still did, subsequently). Clique stayed strong this quarter, and my relationship with Geetha got deeper and deeper, as we spent more and more time together. We began running into a few problems, but overcame many of them. It was hard to balance a relationship, various friendships, being a working man working at EHS and the Sustainability Resource Center, but I somehow managed to do it. Not to mention the attendance of CGIU, a failed A.S. election campaign, THE TERRIBLE DAY OF CUNCOCSHUN, applying for and interviewing for my summer job, Wonderful SunGod, not to mention coordination/moving in of a new apartment [which includes buying furniture, determining rent, etc]. I think I have learned that staying busy is not necessarily a bad thing, but something needed to advance myself in every degree possible. With several of my seniors friends ultimately graduating this year, I also had to learn to let go, and let them adventure into the future. I realized quickly though that goodbye doesn’t mean forever, and that essentially if its meant to be, friends will ultimately reunite in the end. I haven’t reunited with several of my high school friends, because it truly hasn’t meant to be. I am one to believe in destiny.
In terms of personal reflection of how much growth I have attained this year, I would give myself a B+. Freshman Year received a C for college transitions, Sophomore year received a B from overcoming the terrible Summer of 2009/Fraternity phase, but Junior Year upgrades it quite a bit because I have learned how to essentially somewhat take care of myself, balance a relationship, and ultimately take challenges head-on wherever they may come from.
