Eugene Hahn is a stressed out co-worker at Rise Kohyang Middle School.
It goes without saying that some of our deepest and most profound interests are sown within us during the earliest stages of our development. Often I reminisce about the hours and hours I poured into playing street hockey with my buddies after a long day of 1st grade. Hockey is a passion that has stayed with me since those golden years and occupies a majority of my mindspace today.
There is something uniquely deceptive about the sport that separates it from the others. From a spectator’s point of view, hockey is an elegant, geometric exchange of a rubber disc between 10 overly polite Canadians. In reality, hockey is a series of violent car collisions, flying fists and relentless insults about your girlfriend. It is with that particular perspective that I often draw parallels between the beautiful game and my place of work: RISE MIddle School. Our campus is the ice. And we, the teachers, are the hardened players of this chaotic game.
Hello, my name is Eugene Hahn, one of John’s current coworkers. As an honorary guest blogger, I present to you:
“RKMS Teachers as Hockey Players.”
(DISCLAIMER: I only mentioned people who I think read John’s blog regularly. Sorry ‘bout it!)
1. John Tran as Sidney Crosby, Captain of the Pittsburgh Penguins
When I think about the game that I love, I think of its ambassadors — the best and most talented players that serve as the face of the game. Thus, the player comparison that I immediately draw is the world’s best: Sidney Crosby. Like Sid, John is decorated, extremely creative, and well-respected. What do they do well? Well, I think we’d be better off asking: “What can’t they do?” And the answer is nothing. Simply nothing.
What’s next for the two biggest studs ever? World domination.
- Samuel Choi as Alexander Ovechkin, Captain of the Washington Capitals
The most reliable human being I have ever known. This dude is always seemingly 10,000 steps ahead of everyone else and the epitome of selflessness. Since the students often chalk Sam up to be the TOTY rival of John, I will compare him to Sidney Crosby’s all-time “rival,” the eccentric Russian: Alexander Ovechkin. Sam, like Ovechkin, embodies everything I mentioned and is one of the most beloved members of our community, to boot.
- Richard Myers as the Rookie Phenom Connor McDavid of the Edmonton Oilers
Rarely do rookies make a significant impact during their first full stint in The League. Connor McDavid is considered a once-in-a-lifetime generational talent and the eventual successor to Sidney Crosby. McDavid dragged a dysfunctional Edmonton Oilers squad to the 2nd round of the playoffs almost single-handedly. An impressive feat. Like Connor “McJesus,” Richard Myers (who also resembles Jesus) has already changed the landscape of our school. Jumpstarting the RKMS music program after the unfortunate departure of our visual arts teacher, Richie has had kids buzzing about music education. Get ‘em, rook.
- Sabrina Sherman as Drew Doughty, Defenseman of the Los Angeles Kings
Now we get to talk about one of MY favorite players of MY LA Kings. Drew Doughty (affectionately known as “Dewy” to his teammates), is considered the game’s top-3 defenseman year in and year out. Many of his championships and personal accolades can be attributed to his emotionally charged style of play. “I like playing pissed off,” he once told a reporter. Like Doughty, Sabrina wears her heart on her sleeve and has unearthed her deepest passions to achieve success in her craft.
- Colin Yamashita as Jaromir Jagr, Winger of the Calgary Flames
27 years. That’s the amount of time Jaromir Jagr has spent in the National Hockey League. His tenure as a player, impressively, has surpassed the entire lifespans of most hockey pros. Jaromir is the grizzled veteran who has discovered the fountain of youth and extended his career to unfathomable lengths. As the wise 44-year-old sage on campus, Colin Yamashita brings the life experience and the know-hows that help guide the younger generation. Like Jagr, Colin pumps fun (and music) into whatever room he walks into.
- Jed Ngo as Brent Burns, Defenseman of the San Jose Sharks
As one of the more renown “free spirits” of the league, Brent Burns is defined by his friendly, easygoing and somewhat hippie-like personality. What better example to use to describe our school’s resident climber, Jed Ngo? As a fellow nature-lover himself, Brent Burns also manages to be the most productive and adored player in the league. Both are easily fan favorites in their own right.
- Betsy Diaz as Anze Kopitar, Captain of the Los Angeles Kings
Poise, composure and quiet excellence. These are the characteristics of my favorite NHL player and one of my #teachergoals, Betsy Diaz. Under the bright Hollywood lights, many sports superstars crumble under the pressure or find themselves mired in controversy. As the captain of a big-market sports franchise, Kopitar has lead the Kings in scoring for past decade, all while managing to stay out of any drama. In much of the same way, Betsy provides a high quality education without all the fuss.
- Kyle Johnson as Carey Price, Goalie of the Montreal Canadiens
In our beautiful game, the role of the goalie is act as the last line of defense. He compensates for the mistakes of his teammates by making a great save and preventing the puck from going into the net. With the departure of former grade level chair, Kyle has served the “goalie” of our cherished grade level team, making miraculous save after to save to prevent our team from falling apart. Who knows where we would be without him? Probably the unemployment line.
- Karishma Chauhan as Dustin Byfuglien, Defenseman of the Winnipeg Jets
They’re both brown, violent and mean. And have hot sisters.
- Laura Fernandez as Johnny Gaudreau, Forward of the Calgary Flames
How does the old adage go? Great things are often found in small packages. At 5 foot 9, “Johnny Hockey” has been a disruptive goal-scoring force in the league ever since his arrival. His stature is meek and non-threatening, and yet he has become a multi-time all-star in a league full of grown ass men. My former best friend, Laura, is a great fit here. Who knew such a young, tiny little human could make such an impact on the game? Her passion, work ethic and desire to the best are second to none.
- Winfred Hwang as PK Subban, Defenseman of the Nashville Predators
When you think of raucous athletic specimen who bring the party wherever they go, you think of Winfred Hwang. Oh, and also PK Subban. One of the few controversial players in the league, PK breaks out of your typical “polite Canadian professional” mold and instead embraces his own individuality. PK is not afraid to throw down the gloves, and Mr. Hwang is definitely not afraid to throw down his cards (literally).
- Albert Beltran as Zdeno Chara, Captain of the Boston Bruins
Don’t ever mess with this 6’9” Slovakian. The sheer size and stature of Chara strikes fear into anyone who shares the ice with him. In much of the same way, our students know not to mess with Mr. B. To me, both of these fine gentlemen are gentle giants who care deeply about the organizations that they’re part of.
THE END!
