I remember my first breakup like it was yesterday. My friend Kevin was driving me to my girlfriend’s choir concert, and came late, because he lost track of time playing basketball. By the time I got to the show, I had missed Sophie’s choir solo. She was really mad, and broke up with me as a subsequent result (but I suspected there were other factors that led to this dramatic decision). The strange thing about that breakup is that it didn’t take me long at all to get over her at all (maybe a week). Maybe it was due to the fact that I didn’t really like her, or was over her, or realized our lives were heading in different directions anyway with me going away to college.
My second breakup was a lot more of a struggle, as I felt more connected to this person due to our mutually shared experiences. These three posts (1, 2, 3) help to encapsulate my overall mood in that time period. Breakup 3 taught me patience and breakup 4 made me realize sometimes there’s not much you can do to “save” the relationship and that it can often be the other person’s fault. I did have the resiliency to end the relationship myself when I realized my efforts were unreturned in a long-distance scenario.
That brings us to the present, and I have combined all my breakup experiences together to come up with a list of ways to survive breakups in the past, present, and hopefully not future.
- Take the time to be sad. Trying to ignore your emotions is actually pretty unhealthy. As someone that wears their heart on their sleeves, I prefer to actually cry as needed, and let everything come out naturally. I like to force myself to listen to sad music in the dark in order to channel and control when the emotions come out though, so I can be more resilient in public.
- Go “No Contact”. With my exes it’s always easy to cut off all my communication in order to move on more quickly. Unfortunately there’s been times when I’ve broken this rule, for no point other to seemingly upset the other person. For this breakup I obviously won’t be able to follow this same rule, but I’ll still try to minimize contact outside of work.
- Keep yourself busy. Sometimes being busy can be a good distraction away from a breakup. Obviously it will be in the back of your mind, but if you refocus your attention on something else, it can put your mind in a new perspective.
- Surround yourself with people that love you. My friends will always be there for me through every tragic breakup I’ve been through. One of my friends even drove down for 8 hours just to cheer me up last weekend. Those kinds of relationships will keep me grounded and realize life will go on, long after she’s gone.
- Accept the loss and move on. The real way to accept loss is to recognize that everything in the universe happens for a reason. I do believe in fate, and I do believe in the concept of an orderly universe, as non-religious as I am. Unlike Ariana Grande, I wouldn’t say I’m thankful for any of my exes, but I am thankful for the positive experiences we had together. At the end of the day I don’t really hate of them anymore, and hatred was often used as an easy coping mechanism in the past. The words of the musical Wicked summarize it best – Because I knew you, I have been changed for good.
As the holidays come, I am grateful for the family and friends that will support me through each and every bump of the road. Merry Christmas to everyone!
